"Friend" - Can it be more than a friend ?

I'm so happy that i still can get your support .
I'm so glad that you can tell me family is so important to us .
I thought you have changed until u dont even know that you still have a family .

But why , u must tell me we are "FRIEND" for so simple ?
Do you know ,i've been thinking for so long did i still got that chance to be your little sister .
I thought you were always be my listener and supporting me whenever i face problems .

I thought nothing can break our relationship .
I can still remember every word that u are supporting me .
I know even if we get to be like old time we will never be so close anymore .

I think i've make a big mistake .
I shouldn't have did this stupid things .
This is the punishment that i get from the god .

IT'SIMPOSSIBLE THAT WE WILL BE LIKE THE OLD TIME . IT'S OVER .

The hardest and complicated things that i can't forgot about it.

I wish to forget about you .

Everyday when i look at your message ,

I felt excited but somtimes i don't .

I'm not sure ,

What are you in my heart .

I'm happy when i with you ,

but when u sms me ,

i felt everything is differet .

I feel that our relationship is getting far .

I dont know how to deal with it .

I really need to leave here .

I realise that , there are some other people ,

Can be more carrying than me .

I don't know how to comfort u.

I don't care where are u or how are u .

Maybe you are not my true love.

A lot of pressure

The pressureness is making me headache.I don't know how to be a human being anymore.It's so confused.I don't even know how to treat a person too.When i'm back from school the pressure follows me back.Even i have no mood to talk to other people.I feel so grumpy.Why must i have all this stuff in my head ?!! I need some peace.I'm begging for that.I can sleep very well , i rather wish for not to wake up forever . It's killing me . Things are getting complicated . I'm worried that i cant handle it anymore . Can anyone really give me a good advice or cheer me up ?? I'm suffering right here .

Unsupportive Father !

Today is the first time i heard my dad says my ENGLISH like shit infront of me ! Do you know How hurt is that ?? I know u are clever but u also dont have to say like that infront of me . I was born to be in a malay school . What i can do ? I know my english isn't very good to you, i also want it to be good and PROFESSIONAL. I'm trying . i'm trying !! I'M NOT GONNA LOOK ME DOWN !!

2010 Is A Bad Year For Me

Things Has Ruin My Everything In Sudden And any without any reason.The one that i trust the most had betrayed me .. I really don't know why she wants to do that to me ... I have nothing to do with her .. What i dont like about her is , she likes to express out her sad face everyday .. Then when i care about her and i ask her what's going on , she doesnt wanna let me know .. When i tell her that dont be like this , she tells me not to care about her .. What's the matter ? She knows how to say that why she wanna angry also have no right to be like this then why i dont have the right to care about her ?? Being a good friend will care about you and when there's problem , will share together . but she DOESNT !! Being A good friend will tell each other properly what's the bad attitude .. and will happily change it .. it's not like because of a small problem then get mad of it .. IT'S NONSENSE ! I have done everything but what i get at last ?? I don't know how to treat a human being anymore .. When i'm good , they said not good enough.When i'm Bad , they will say it even worst .. What SHOULD I ACTUALLY DO ?

I'M WILLING TO HELP HER OUT !

After school i open her profile and i take a look at her shoutout.I saw all of her stressness and BURDEN.I don't know what to do.I'm thinking to help her but i know it wont works because she won't share her problem with me.People say someone that is older than u usually won't share their problem with kids because they dont know their feeling but i'm not the one ! I know how she feels.I know the pain in the heart.I just want to be with her when she needs someone to talk to her.I wish that i'm the person who can be with her.I treat her like my REAL sister but does she really know ?? Does she really feels with her heart ?? I know LOVE to her is how important but this can't be force.All that i wish for is to help her.I want her to be happy.I'm willing to take out her burden and replace it to me.I'll give her my happiness !!

Love Sister.

The Hardest Things That Have Kept In my Heart For So Long

Things that i always wanted to ask and say it out for so long is the hardest things that i couldn't imagine.When i was in primary school i had no burden , had no sisters , and had no boyfriend.It was so fun being a kid.No worries at all.I wish i could reverse back to the past.Althought,primary school it's fun but there surely arguements too.Those arguements ain't a problem.There were of course kids arguing,fighthing and loads of stupid things.I am the one who i've made loads of stupid things in school.I act like a moron BUT i dont care anymore cause now i'm been moved to my secondary life.When i was in form 1 i joined in a group of Cheerleading.I belong to the green team and from there i've met lots of mature friends that they are 2 years older than me.In the first place,I'm so glad that they are my friends.One of them is my primary old friend.We are like a great sisters.We plan everything together.We go out together.We share our problems together.We never betray each other before not even once.So,later on,in the green team two of them that is 2 years older than me had become my GOD sister.I was so happy at first.Everyday when i look at them i feel so excited.I feeling like wanna put my life on them.I'm thinking to joke and play around with them but years after years things are DIFFERENT.Untill when im in form 3 things had become more different.I had argued with my long lasting friend.We didn't talk for at least half a year untill when i'm in form 4 and she's in form 5 now.We finally had some conversation.I said sorry to her and everything.Actually,she felt the same way like i am.She also wanted to deal with this problem BUT she said she had no idea since i start first so we should work things out.The day before wednesday,she called me out.So on wednesday we went out and we enjoy it BUT there is something different.She became so rude.She speaks rude words all the way.I was so surprised/shocked.I keep asking her not to say it again and again but she ain't listening.Untill a day one of the co-workers fall for me.He said she gave him my number.On christmas eve we are on a date.We were together for 2 or 3 weeks then we broke off.He didnt trust me.His friends keep saying my back words to him AND the most i cant believe is , my best sister betray me.T____T .When i knew that she treats me like this.My tears cant stop dropping from my eyes untill the next day,i went to school and asked her and end up we aregued again.We will never gain back as i thought and from now onwards she is no longer in my heart.Since that she had betrayed me . i've always so sensitive with friends and siblings(GOD).BUT,there is someone that always make me smile when i see her.I just want to let you know.I dont know why are you so important to me.Eventhought,i've argued with you,it wont take a long time for me to angry you or what.I just so confused with you.Is it everybody that are older than me could never understand me and treats me like a kid ?? You guys just keep saying i'm so childish..but it's part of my life.If i lost it.There wont be a REAL me anymore.So i just want to know.Am i just as tiny as an ant in your heart?? You know what,you have been so important in my life.If i lose you i don't know what could have happened to me.Maybe , you will think this is so childish but it is not as easy as you thought.It's not easy to forget someone important.When you really need her/him in your life then you will feel the hardness of the feeling.I don't care if it's funny or what but i know everytime i keep asking you all those stupid things "am i still your little sister" or bla bla bla.I just want to let YOU GUYS KNOW , SISTERS ARE IMPORTANT TO ME !! I CAN TRUELY TELL YOU IT'S MORE IMPORTANT COMPARED WITH MY FAMILY !! PLEASE UNDERSTAND WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY.It's not easy to be me. .Lastly,i want you to know that i've been caring you and worrying you since i met you. .Boyfriends are not important.Love wont be so important.If there are sadness with you,FRIENDS and SISTERS will be the one who will be always supporting you and will be always by your side.This is what i can really express out myself.

There Are So Many Problems These Days In School

I don't know what happen to them.She had lied to me for so long.I don't know she could do this things to this to her own lover.After someone told me about her bad things.I felt i'm so dissapointed with her.I can't believe she did THIS KIND OF THINGS.The worst things are her lover was so hurt.I feel very very sad and painful for her.I have no idea can she take it or not.Im so so worried about her..After this stuff had happen,i'm so sensitive with you already !!! BITCH !! I can't believe you are so a FUCKING BITCH.If you want to change school.I PREFER YOU TO CHANGE CAUSE YOU DISGUST ME !!!

~Having Fun Day With Buddy~

The star that we have made . .

Muahaha...Great Job !!

Hope to joke around everyday. .

~Make Mistakes Could Lost Everything You have~

Why mistakes could let people lose something important.
It will also could let you lose someone that is important to us.
Is that good if we didnt even make a mistake ??
I wish all of the mistakes that i have made could disappear but it's too late.
I ruin something that i shouldn't.
I didnt't trust my bestie and still blame her for something.
I just wish one day i could let her know that i never give her up for so long.
I just want to replace everything good to her.
She has the right to angry me cause i've done something terribly wrong to her.
I won't give her up untill she forgives me.
Is there still a chance for me?
I hope one day you could come back to me,
even thought i've known you don't want this relationship to go on.
I still got to wait for you cause you are too important to me.
From now on,i wont give you up but i'll keep moving on my life.
I hope there is still a chance for me.
I felt so sorry to you that i could treat you so bad.
This is the punishment i should got.

Mistakes are the worst thing to us.
Don't ever make mistakes to anything.
It will let you lose something important even our own family.
This is what i've learn from mistakes.

~ I Think It's Time For Me To Let It Go~

Actually,this coming tuesday i'm going to face to face with her but at the end i realise that i can't.She doesn't belong to me anymore.She's in abother world and i don't recorgnice her anymore.I was being stupid this few days.I keep thinking that she is still caring me but actually she don't.Things are just making me insane.I never wanted to give up this relationship cause i thought we might gain back as well.I was waiting this moment to over.I really really can't stand like this bullshit condition.It's killing me! I just hope to get her back but i don't.I think she won't belongs to me anymore and EVER.This is our faith that fade away so easily.I should accept what had happened and i should appriciate what i've got right now.No matter how hard it is , this is gonna end.I won't be acting like and idiot everyday because of her!! I've got to move on !! What i can say is i'm sorry to what i have done to you for last few years.I can't replace the good to you.THIS IS END!

~I miss You~

I need you real deeply.I thought this is end but it doesn't as long as if i didnt give up.I know i can get you back with all my hard work.I know you still care about me eventhought you hurt me.I know you are not willing to do that to me.I know you just say it too fast cause that time you were solving your problem and i just keep annoying you.I'm really sorry.I just hope to get a chance from you.I will appriciate you when you are back to me.I want to give the goods to you.I want to replace everything good to you.I know i have been treated you bad ever since i met you.I'm really really sorry Jowey.I'm regret now.This is a punishment to me.

This IsThe End Of "US"

We are end right now.I can't believe you could just give up our long lasting relationship.When you told me "we better dont gain back",It hurts me deeply.It feels like a knife suddenly poke into my heart and it is bleeding till it is unstopable.If you dont mean to hurt me you should have said this to me,"SORRY" is not the word that can cure my bleeding heart.You make me down till i cant laugh seriously.It makes me feel so tired,feel like sleeping the whole day and never wake up so that you won't appear in my brain anymore.Everyones can understand my feeling why you are the one that don't understand me??? You wont know how hurt it is and you wont know how much tears i dropped because of you.I'm the one who is the most stupidest people in the WORLD.I shouldn't met you in my life.If there's no you in my life and there wont be so much sadness.I wanna renew my life.I wish i could go to Australia right now and never come back.I wish to forget you not even a little that shouldn't i keep.From now on , i'll not going to disturb you unless you make it first but it is impossible that you could do that.


~[END OF "US"]~

ATTENTION:I'm Gonna Be Myself (Back to Normal)

It's That Wrong If I'm Childish ?
It's That Wrong To Be So Childish ?
It's Wrong If I'm Too Serious.
It's Wrong If I'm Too Childish.
I cant Put Together Into Normal Mode.

I Am Who I Am,
I Cant Change,
What You Guys Want Me To Do,
I have Change Alot Because Of Friends,
I Did What I Should Did Already.

Even There's Something That Funny ,
I Didn't Even Laugh,
I Just Think It Is So Childish,
Even I laugh It Is All Fake,
I Can't Even Have A Real Smile.

Everytime When I Started To Joke Around,
The Frst Thing That I Will Think Is "Is That So Funny"?
Because Of You Guys Make Me Dont Have My Own Life!
I Dont Even Have My Happy Life Anymore!!

~Life Is Meaningless To Me Right Now~

*I FallForYouWithSudden.

I thought i could hate you more but it makes me fall for you more than i hate you,
I tell to myself that in my heart you are not belong to me anymore but it doesnt work,
I thought i could just wash you away from my mind but it fails,

When i sleep,i dream about you everytime.
Everyday,everytime,everyminute and everysecond.

After i dream about you i just only realise that you are so much important to me.

Althought,i'm not important to you anymore but you are still important to me.

When i saw you ,

I really think to talk to you,

The eyes of mine keep looking at you,

It will never stops untill you are dissappear,

But you are not going to dissappear untill you are belong to me.

*I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT . . . . . . .

I MISS YOU A LOT J****

YOU ARE NOT GONNA BE WASHED BY MY BRAIN AND IT WILL NEVER AND EVER!

(9.1.2010)

Today i feel i'm so lonely without him.He hasn't message me untill now.I am wondering what he is up to right now.I wanted to message him but i still cant make it.If i just message him like this it means i'm too love him.I dont want to put my real love for a person.I'm really suffer right over here.I feel like i'm carrying a heavy burden.I just dont want to feel that but it makes me feel it.Maybe he's not my true love.I keep looking at my phone , i really hope when i look at the phone i could saw his message but at the end miracle doesn't happen.I really want to know the reason why he is not messaging me for a half day??? Is he busy? Can anyone tell me please.I'm so worry about him.He makes me think alot of things.Is it the time for us to have a break?? Maybe it's the time..